It’s “The Non Juan’s Guide to Dating!” Dating Tip #1: It’s okay to give a girl a compliment… BUT…

Greetings, Non Juan fans!

As you all know, I’ve been on the hunt for a girlfriend for a while now – and by “a while”,  I mean “ever since I slid out the womb.”  It was the last time I was anywhere NEAR a woman’s… well, ya know – and I’ve been trying to get back ever since.

Why the seemingly desperate chase for my one-true love?  Girls bring so much to a guy’s life, and when I see other guys with girlfriends, I feel like I’m missing out on something.

In an attempt to explain myself, I will, from time to time, share with you my reasons as to why I want a girl in my life – and not just because they’ll pay for my meals and drive me places (though it would be nice to get taken some place from time to time…)

REASON WHY GIRLS ARE AWESOME #1: THEY TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU’RE SICK

Recently, my friend Harry dared me to jump into a pool of water.  This wouldn’t normally be such a bad idea, if it weren’t for the fact that (a) it’s wintertime, (b) it was raining outside, and (c) I’m allergic to certain types of chlorine.

However, I didn’t want to look like a punk in front of my friend, so I dived in.  Next thing I know, I’m breaking out in hives and sweating in 45 degree weather.

Needless to say, I was sick.

During my week-long sickness, I had no one to take care of me – not even my parents (despite the fact that my apartment is located in their backyard.  They even had me quaranteened!)  While making frequent trips back and forth to throw up in my toilet, I kept thinking to myself: “Man, I wish I had a girlfriend here to take care of me…”

Girls are such nurturing people.  No matter how sick you get, they will usually be there whenever you need to be taken care of.  I could have been blowing snot out of every orafice of my body, with burning red eyes and dried-up drool on my face, and – assuming the girl i was dating cared about me – she would’ve been there to wipe me up, get me some eye drops, and put a cup under my mouth to collect my spit.

But did I get any of that help?? NOOOO.  Instead, I was forced to drag myself out of bed, attempt to cook my own meals (which was made even worse since I can’t cook - i burned 3 bowls of soup!), take my own pills (which were mixed up in the scissors drawer – I ended up cutting myself), and draw my own baths (I fell asleep during one of my bathing sessions, and ended up looking like a shrunk raisin.

Having to do all that definitely made me appreciate the nurturing aspect a woman brings to a relationship.  If only I could find one who would do all that stuff for me without being completely grossed out (at my sickness AND at the sight of me), I’d be SO happy.  Luckily I eventually got better – I was THIS CLOSE to calling Dr. Murray to fix me up.  I think he’s on trial for something now, though…

-Non Juan

From http://www.NonJuan.com – Could dating a drunk Mariah (and drunk girls in general) be a solution to Non Juan’s dating problems?? Watch the video to find out!

Hey! Can’t control your woman? Do like Non Juan – go to the Charlie Sheen school of dating!

That “NON-ladies man” Non Juan begs the public to leave Tiger Woods alone (Chris Crocker style). Subscribe to YouTube.com/NonJuanRejected today!

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It’s NON JUAN MAILBAG FRIDAYS!

Each Friday, I like to take time out of my busy schedule (of playing video games and begging girls to date me) and answer YOUR dating/relationship questions!  This week’s question comes from a guy who keeps getting tongue tied while talking to the ladies (a problem I know all too much about)…

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Dear Non Juan:

I need advice – I want this girl named Ashley but I can’t say anything 2 her without saying sumthin’ stupid!

-D.R.

Greetings, D.R.!

So, you’re trying to talk to a girl named Ashely, huh? You open your mouth up and end up saying somethin’ stupid, eh?

First – in the future, I’ll need more detailed info. What kind of stupid stuff are you saying? Are you saying stuff that makes sense but you THINK sounds moronic, or are you just putting words together that don’t make sense? Details, man, details!!

At any rate, just the fact that you think you’re saying stupid-sounding stuff to this chick lets me know something very important…

YOU… are a GREAT follower of the Non-Juan principles!

Anytime a guy puts emphasis and worry into what he’s saying to a girl, it shows how eager he is to talk about stuff that won’t displease her. The more worried you are, the more strain your brain will put into analyzing each and every word coming out of your mouth!

Even trying to say something as straight-forward as “I think that dress looks great on you” will be over-anaylzed – you’ll be able to convince yourself that even this statement will be taken by her as “I think that dress looks horrible on your body, and you should be burned at the stake for wearing it!”

Also, if you’re focusing so hard on what you’re saying to this one girl, it means you aren’t going after other girls. GOOD FOR YOU!

As a general rule, you should always focus your efforts on ONE girl at a time.  Don’t listen to those OTHER gurus who claim it’s okay to date more than one girl at a time, until you decide which one you want to be with.  FOOEY, I say!

Nope, instead, you should focus all your energy on that one babe who has your heart all a flutter.  Sure, you’ll be extra nervous since you’re only giving yourself only ONE shot at getting with someone; and sure, you’ll probably set yourself up for disappointment when this ONE girl decides not to date you.  And yes, you might end up pushing away other girls who may have chosen you as their “dream guy” in the event that your “dream girl” turned you down.

But then again, why give off the impression to this ONE girl that you actually have other options?? The last thing a girl wants to have to do is compete for you, right? What kind of excitement would THAT bring to her life??

So, next time you are communicating with a woman, here’s what I suggest:

(1) When you talk to her, talk only about safe stuff. Steer clear of talking about any topics that may stir up emotions in her (abortion, war, religion, etc.). Getting a woman excited for any reason is a no-no – the safest bet is to mention topics that are neutral, and will stir up NOTHING in her but sheer boredom!

(2) Worry about what she’s thinking when you talk. That way, everything you say will be planned out carefully.  Granted, you’ll probably end up too worried about offending her to actually SAY anything, and she won’t end up getting to know the REAL you.  Still – better than sounding stupid!

Speaking of which…

(3) DO NOT SHOW OFF THE REAL YOU!! By saying this, I mean you need to constantly say stuff and act in a way that is pleasing to  women at all times. Don’t be the “real you” like you are around your friends – ya know, the relaxed guy who’s friends hang out with him despite saying dumb stuff from time to time. I mean, lord knows she probably never says ANYTHING stupid, right? And if she did, you’d probably NEVER go out with her, right?

Instead, stick to being the fake “perfect” you.  With any luck, she might actually fall for your act and you’ll end up with a girlfriend!  (Of course, keeping her might be another issue, especially if you accidentally end up showing her how you REALLY are once you’re dating.  On the plus side, at least you’ll be able to say you had a girlfriend!)
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That’s all for now, everybody! See ya next week!!

-Non Juan

Got a dating/relationship question for Non Juan? Write ASK@NonJuan.com today!

Well, Snoop Dogg may be a huge hip hop star with plenty of women, money, cars, houses, jewelry, friends,uh… you get it. But, I bet I can count up the change in your pocket faster than he can! Ok, so I guess he has EVERYTHING that I don’t including a hit song last year called “Sensual Seduction.”

Since I don’t really know anything about that subject, I decided to do a song about a subject that I actually DO KNOW lots about. It kinda deals with that special part of the male anatomy and something tells me that I should not be sharing this with all the ladies, but ~ what the heck – Here is my new music video for Erectile Dysfunction from my 909s and Heart Flatlines CD (available on iTunes). BTW I am offering it as a ringtone for **FREE** on my homepage http://NonJuan.com for a limited time! YEAH!!!

Also available on my album (get it on iTunes TODAY!), “909s and Heart Flatlines”

Non Juan's "Erectile Dysfunction" Video

Well, Snoop Dogg may be a huge hip hop star with plenty of women, money, cars, houses, jewelry, friends,…uh you get it. But, I…uh…well…errr….hmmm… I guess he has EVERYTHING that I don’t – including a hit song, “Sensual Seduction.”

Since I don’t really know anything about that subject, I decided to do a song about a subject that I actually DO KNOW lots about. It kinda deals with “that special part of the male anatomy” and something tells me that I should not be sharing this with all the ladies, but ~ what the heck – - Here is my new music video for “Erectile Dysfunction” from my 909s and Heart Flatlines CD (available on iTunes). BTW – I am offering it as a ringtone for FREE on my homepage for a limited time! YEAH!!!

Tales from the Non Juan Side: “Pimps…and…Rockers?” Just like a Non Juan to NOT know whether he is a pimp or a punk rocker… Really, Come on now….

~ From your “Friends” @ http://NonJuan.com

Watch, Laugh, Share with your friends, and Watch Again!

For more Tales from the Non Juan side, go to http://NonJuan.com

Non Juan… being a “Non Juan” – - what else would you expect?

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Follow Non Juan’s Adventures in Dating EVERYDAY at http://www.twitter.com/nonjuan (@nonjuan)

~ From your “Friends” @ http://NonJuan.com