It’s “The Non Juan’s Guide to Dating!” Dating Tip #1: It’s okay to give a girl a compliment… BUT…

Sure, General Larry Platt may have gotten the limelight, but it was an earlier un-aired (too hot for tv) try out by Non Juan that was the inspiration… well, sort of…

Umm… Errr.. If this is the story of a “Perfect Gentleman” – well… You tell us what you think?????

Greetings, Non Juan fans!

As you all know, I’ve been on the hunt for a girlfriend for a while now – and by “a while”,  I mean “ever since I slid out the womb.”  It was the last time I was anywhere NEAR a woman’s… well, ya know – and I’ve been trying to get back ever since.

Why the seemingly desperate chase for my one-true love?  Girls bring so much to a guy’s life, and when I see other guys with girlfriends, I feel like I’m missing out on something.

In an attempt to explain myself, I will, from time to time, share with you my reasons as to why I want a girl in my life – and not just because they’ll pay for my meals and drive me places (though it would be nice to get taken some place from time to time…)

REASON WHY GIRLS ARE AWESOME #1: THEY TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU’RE SICK

Recently, my friend Harry dared me to jump into a pool of water.  This wouldn’t normally be such a bad idea, if it weren’t for the fact that (a) it’s wintertime, (b) it was raining outside, and (c) I’m allergic to certain types of chlorine.

However, I didn’t want to look like a punk in front of my friend, so I dived in.  Next thing I know, I’m breaking out in hives and sweating in 45 degree weather.

Needless to say, I was sick.

During my week-long sickness, I had no one to take care of me – not even my parents (despite the fact that my apartment is located in their backyard.  They even had me quaranteened!)  While making frequent trips back and forth to throw up in my toilet, I kept thinking to myself: “Man, I wish I had a girlfriend here to take care of me…”

Girls are such nurturing people.  No matter how sick you get, they will usually be there whenever you need to be taken care of.  I could have been blowing snot out of every orafice of my body, with burning red eyes and dried-up drool on my face, and – assuming the girl i was dating cared about me – she would’ve been there to wipe me up, get me some eye drops, and put a cup under my mouth to collect my spit.

But did I get any of that help?? NOOOO.  Instead, I was forced to drag myself out of bed, attempt to cook my own meals (which was made even worse since I can’t cook - i burned 3 bowls of soup!), take my own pills (which were mixed up in the scissors drawer – I ended up cutting myself), and draw my own baths (I fell asleep during one of my bathing sessions, and ended up looking like a shrunk raisin.

Having to do all that definitely made me appreciate the nurturing aspect a woman brings to a relationship.  If only I could find one who would do all that stuff for me without being completely grossed out (at my sickness AND at the sight of me), I’d be SO happy.  Luckily I eventually got better – I was THIS CLOSE to calling Dr. Murray to fix me up.  I think he’s on trial for something now, though…

-Non Juan

From http://www.NonJuan.com – Could dating a drunk Mariah (and drunk girls in general) be a solution to Non Juan’s dating problems?? Watch the video to find out!

Hey! Can’t control your woman? Do like Non Juan – go to the Charlie Sheen school of dating!

Non Juan listened to Lil’ Wayne’s leaked “Rebirth” album. After regaining consciousness, he reviewed it. Check it out, then share with friends as a WARNING!!

OK… I don’t know if it means I will be on America’s Most Wanted or something like that, but “The World’s Most Dangerous Site” (AllHipHop.com) just posted a video of me on their site. So, for all the ladies that like a “Bad Boy” – - I think I finally succeeded! YAAAY!!

I mean, it’s only a review of the LEAKED Lil Wayne “Rebirth” CD dropping soon… BUT – I would still put this in my Bad Boy Toolbox (along with the time that I rode my scooter without a helmet.  So scaaaary…)

Anyway – here is the story from AllHipHop.com and the video review they are referencing (Enjoy and share with your friends!):

LIL WAYNE’S REBIRTH = FAIL?

I don’t know about this rock CD, yall! All I can say is…this may be an epic fail. The rumor is that this leaked album is NOT going to be the one that we’ll eventually see…but the damage may be done. It is not stopping people from reviewing it. Here is Non Juan’s review. He’s got the illest reviews. LOL!
Source: Allhiphop.com, 12/18/2009

-Non Juan

NEW Jay-Z & Alicia Keys parody, Oprah State of Mind! PLEASE vote for this video in the “I Am T-Pain” contest – go to http://www.iAmTpain.com for more info!

As you all know, Oprah Winfrey, the queen of talk show host, has announced her decision to end her show on September 9, 2011! If there’s one person – er, puppet – who has something to say – er, sing – about it, it’s that non-ladies man, Non Juan!

Watch the video, laugh, re-post it, share it with your friends… then do it all over again!

The more views it gets, the better chance Non Juan has of winning the “I-AM-T-PAIN” contest (and the better chances he has of winning prize money and finally taking a girl on a date)!

Non Juan's "Erectile Dysfunction" Video

Well, Snoop Dogg may be a huge hip hop star with plenty of women, money, cars, houses, jewelry, friends,…uh you get it. But, I…uh…well…errr….hmmm… I guess he has EVERYTHING that I don’t – including a hit song, “Sensual Seduction.”

Since I don’t really know anything about that subject, I decided to do a song about a subject that I actually DO KNOW lots about. It kinda deals with “that special part of the male anatomy” and something tells me that I should not be sharing this with all the ladies, but ~ what the heck – - Here is my new music video for “Erectile Dysfunction” from my 909s and Heart Flatlines CD (available on iTunes). BTW – I am offering it as a ringtone for FREE on my homepage for a limited time! YEAH!!!