Oh man, I had a GREAT day yesterday!

So, I was at the Hard Rock Cafe at Universal Studios doing my normal routine: waiting for a girl to show up who had agreed to go on a date with me.  I was supposed to meet her for lunch at 12:30… and, well… she must have gotten lost or something: 4 hours later I was still waiting around for her to show up!

While I was waiting, though, I saw someone go up to the second floor of the restaurant, surrounded by body guards and some cute women.  Sure enough, it was none other than SNOOP DOGG!

That’s when I remembered: his new album, “Malice N Wonderland,” dropped that same day! So, I ran outside, got myself a CD, and waited in line.  2 hours later, I got to meet up with the man himself!

In case you were wondering: Snoop Dogg is one of the NICEST celebrity-type persons I’ve run across anywhere!  He gave me an autograph, took a picture with me, and I even got to tell him all about the parody song/video I made from his “Sensual Seduction” song called “Erectile Dysfunction!”

If you’re reading this, Snoop: THANKS AGAIN FOR THE AUTOGRAPH! Also: PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY GAME SO I CAN GET A GIRLFRIEND!!

Oh yeah, and be sure to get Snoop’s new CD, “Malice N Wonderland” – I’ve been bumping it all day, and it’s totally awesome!!

-Non Juan

Well, Snoop Dogg may be a huge hip hop star with plenty of women, money, cars, houses, jewelry, friends,uh… you get it. But, I bet I can count up the change in your pocket faster than he can! Ok, so I guess he has EVERYTHING that I don’t including a hit song last year called “Sensual Seduction.”

Since I don’t really know anything about that subject, I decided to do a song about a subject that I actually DO KNOW lots about. It kinda deals with that special part of the male anatomy and something tells me that I should not be sharing this with all the ladies, but ~ what the heck – Here is my new music video for Erectile Dysfunction from my 909s and Heart Flatlines CD (available on iTunes). BTW I am offering it as a ringtone for **FREE** on my homepage http://NonJuan.com for a limited time! YEAH!!!

Also available on my album (get it on iTunes TODAY!), “909s and Heart Flatlines”

Greetings, everybody!

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for another fantastically AWESOME Non Juan dating tip!  Today’s lesson:

MAKE YOURSELF INTO THE MAN SHE SAYS SHE WANTS

There are plenty of nice guys out there who seem to have a hard time figuring out what a woman wants from a dating partner.  Seems pretty easy to me – all you have to do…

IS ASK THEM!

If you are interested in a girl and want to date her, all you have to do is go up to her, ask her one simple question – “What is it you look for in a dating partner?” – and listen to what her response is.

Usually, if the girl doesn’t slap you in the face for interrupting whatever it is she was doing (Note: I’m sorry for asking you out at the wrong time, Denise – I forgot you were still giving the eulogy at your grandpa’s funeral!), she’ll usually give you a laundry list of things she desires about her potential man.  It may sound something like this:

• “I want a guy who has a decent job”
• “I want a guy who earns a lot of money”
• “I want a guy with no kids”
• “I want a guy who has his own car”
• “I want a guy who’s 6 foot 2 inches”
• “I want a guy with a big, Big, BIG…” er, well you know
• “I want a guy with huge muscles”
• “I want a guy who is college educated”
• “I want a guy who is smart”
• “I want a guy who is not crazy”

Once you’ve gotten her list down, the rest should be easy – all you have to do is follow her list, right down to the direct detail, and BAM! You should be able to start dating her in no time.

Now, you may notice there is one thing missing off of this list – something a woman may forget to tell you:

• “I want a man who, for some unknown reason, I find attractive and sexy as heck – to the point where most of the things on this list don’t really matter”

Most women tend to forget that little bullet.  However, it would explain a lot, though.  Like, for example:

• Why I wasn’t able to score with the babes when I had a decent high-paying job
• Why I had countless girls leave me for another guy who had 4 or 5 kids
• Why my college-educated self lost a girl to a guy who couldn’t even tie his own shoes
• Why my friend Harry, who has no car, still manages to get girls to drive HIM around town
• Why, even when I was going through my work-out phase and got buff, I still ended up losing a girl to a skinny science nerd

Yes, even though I had most of the items on a woman’s so-called “I Will ONLY Date a Guy With Certain Qualities” list, I still managed to not have too many girlfriends.

On the other hand, it’s only logical to follow the list a woman gives you.  If her conscious mind is giving you the direct map on how to turn her on, it makes sense to follow it.  After all, it’s not like a woman would only give you a list of traits that society has deemed an appropriate answer for her to give to you, right?  She couldn’t possibly be attracted to OTHER traits that, deep down, are ones that surpass what she would tell you on the surface, right?

RIGHT?!?

Well, that’s all for today – and remember, if YOU have a dating or relationship question, write to me at ASK@NonJuan.com!

-Non Juan

Non Juan's "Erectile Dysfunction" Video

Well, Snoop Dogg may be a huge hip hop star with plenty of women, money, cars, houses, jewelry, friends,…uh you get it. But, I…uh…well…errr….hmmm… I guess he has EVERYTHING that I don’t – including a hit song, “Sensual Seduction.”

Since I don’t really know anything about that subject, I decided to do a song about a subject that I actually DO KNOW lots about. It kinda deals with “that special part of the male anatomy” and something tells me that I should not be sharing this with all the ladies, but ~ what the heck – - Here is my new music video for “Erectile Dysfunction” from my 909s and Heart Flatlines CD (available on iTunes). BTW – I am offering it as a ringtone for FREE on my homepage for a limited time! YEAH!!!

Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), I present to you…

The first ever music album by Non Juan!

Thaaaaaat’s right, people – I made an album!

As you all know, I’ve been trying to figure out various ways to make some extra money so I can take girls out on dates.  Not that I’d be paying for THEM, but rather for myself – those $1 value meals don’t come cheap, ya know!

Since I have a lot of free time on my weekends (what with the staying home and bawling my eyes out while all the girls I have crushes on date other people), I decided to use some of that time to practice my rapping skills.  Next thing I know, I had over 100 songs recorded!

Okay, to be fair, most of the “recordings” weren’t songs.  About 90 of the tracks I recorded was audio of me begging Tila Tequila to date me.  I sent all the tracks to her to listen to before I put them out for the public to hear… and I got a letter from her lawyers saying they’d take “drastic action” against me that would result in me feeling “pain, suffering and malnourishment” were they to be released.

In the midst of those tracks, though, I recorded 10 songs that were NOT about Ms. Tequila.  Since most of these songs are about me not getting girls, I wanted to name it “808s and Heartbreak.”  Then I found out Kanye West had retroactively stolen my album title!

So instead, I changed the name to “909s and Heart Flatlines!”  Here are the songs on the album (available on iTunes, Amazon, Napster, Rhapsody, Limewire and more!):

1. I’m a Non Juan
2. Tongue Tied
3. Erectile Dysfunction
4. 100 Girl Friends
5. A Wonderful Non Juan Day
6. Do The Non Juan
7. Outta Luck
8. Wack-I-Tis
9. Hooptie
10. I’m All Alone (feat. Don “Magic” Juan and Hajanique)

Check out the first 2 music videos I made for the album: “I’m a Non Juan” and “Tongue Tied!”

“I’m a Non Juan” Music Video

“Tongue Tied” Music Video

Those videos were awesome!  Don’t forget to share them with your friends!  More importantly, GET THE ALBUM SO I CAN AFFORD TO GO ON DATES!!

-Non Juan