It’s time for NON JUAN VIDEO MONDAY!!

Today, I reveal to you the SECRET to winning back an ex-girlfriend!  If you’ve recently been dumped by the girl of your dreams, I have the absolute BESTEST dating tip you could ever hear…

Watch the video, and don’t forget to listen for the question of the day at the end.  Leave your comments below!

-Non Juan

]]> http://nonjuan.com/649/whats-the-secret-to-getting-your-ex-girlfriend-back/feed/ 0 http://nonjuan.com/655/video-rebuttal-should-u-call-a-girl-more-or-less/ http://nonjuan.com/655/video-rebuttal-should-u-call-a-girl-more-or-less/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:58:49 +0000 Non Juan http://nonjuan.com/?p=655

On Monday’s Non Juan video, “Can Using the Phone Make You LOSE Women,” I talked about the consequences of calling a girl too much.

I asked YOU – no, not you, but the guy behind you – to leave your thoughts on the subject.  Lo and behold, a few people commented on the video.  So, I decided to film another video sharing some of these people’s thoughts!

Check it out, and leave your OWN thoughts about this topic below!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

One of the many things girls claim to want in a man is “honesty.”

If you’re like I once was, you probably take this to mean “I should tell my girl absolutely every single thing that ever happens to me so she’ll know there’s no secrets between us.”

And, if you’re like I once was, you’ve probably been in relationships with girls where you did, in fact, tell them all the things that happen to you.

Which means, if you’re like I once was… you probably do NOT have a girlfriend.

Could it be that all that honesty was actually HURTING your relationship with a girl?

I remember a few years ago, I had a friend of mine in a dilemma. He had recently asked a woman to be his girlfriend, but he was guilt-ridden because, during the “we’re just talking” phase, another girl had come up to him at a party and kissed him.

He felt SO guilty about his new girlfriend not knowing this that he was thinking about telling her.

So, what did I tell him to do?

Easy – I said, “Of course you should tell her – if you do, she’ll know how honest of a guy you are and believe anything you say to her from now on!  You’ll be establishing trust! Heck, she may even THANK you for telling her!”

Man, oh man, what a moron I was!

Sure enough, he took my advice.  A few hours later, he was calling me on my phone, crying his eyes out while yelling:

“BUT I TOLD HER THE TRUTH!! WHY DID SHE GET MAD AT ME!! IT’S NOT LIKE I’M KISSING THAT OTHER GIRL NOW!!”

If I had known then what I know now, I would have given him the opposite advice.  Instead of telling him to blah blah blah about this kiss from the past, I would have told him to keep his mouth shut, and that it was “none of her dang business” who she kissed in the past.

On the other hand, if you’re in the business of LOSING girls, it’s best to tell your girl about these types of things.  Anything you can think of that may cause her to see you in a different light, you should tell her if you’re wanting to LOSE her.

What kinds of things am I talking about?

1. Any incidents where you, as the “innocent bystander,” are getting kissed, grouped, hugged up, hit on, or having “special favors” done for you by another girl.
2. Any parts of your past that, while distant, will make a girl question being with you.  So yes, you should tell her about that time you tortured a cat named Fluffy, or how girls used to make fun of you for peeing on yourself when you got excited.
3. Any unresolved feelings you may have about an ex-girlfriend.  Hey, she wants you to be honest, right? Of course you should tell her how you still have “feelings” for a previous lover – all girlfriends love hearing about THAT!

Bottom line: if you’re trying to keep a girl around, there ARE certain things it’s okay to NOT tell her.  This doesn’t mean you should lie to her – it just means you don’t have to mention it.  Not telling her these things doesn’t make you a liar – and besides, do you REALLY want to know every single caveat of her past life??

-Non Juan

It’s NON JUAN VIDEO Monday!!

Today, Non Juan lets all the fellas out there know about the dangers of calling a girl too much.  What do YOU think about Non Juan’s views on phone calling? Leave your thoughts below!

-Non Juan

From time to time, I like to show video examples of a Non Juan in action.

Sure, I may have been bad with women, but there are still TONS of men out there who know how to make women feel even MORE awkward on dates than I did!

Here’s an example from an episode of “Blind Date” (the oh-so popular show from the late 90s/early 00’s) of a guy named Lou doing his best to impress a girl.  As you’ll be able to see from the video, he’s doing everything he can to peak the girl’s interest.

Little does he realize that he’s actually displaying some too familiar Non Juan traits:

1. He’s trying too hard to please her;
2. He’s agreeing with everything she says; and
3. He’s asking her questions that give off his insecurities about himself.

Watch the video, and share your comments about Lou and his night out below!

Above: Lou and his desperate attempt to make a connection… with a girl that’s clearly NOT feeling him.

-Non Juan

As I’ve said before, the ways of attracting women are usually OPPOSITE of the way guys BELIEVE they should work.

One of the rules guys tend to fall for is the one that says they have to be in constant communication with a girl.  Granted, if you are in a relationship with a woman, you may want to spend time with her every now and then so she’ll know you haven’t run off to another country with some other hot-looking babe.

However, if you’re just starting to see a girl, did you know you can actually use repetitive communication as a way of making her LESS attracted to you?

Thanks, in part, to advances in technology, men now have TONS of options they can use to talk to a girl 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Not only do these things make a guy a constant presence in a girl’s life (whether she wants him to be or not), but they also make it that much easier to deter a woman’s interest, and have her running away from you faster than a politician from his wife! (Three cheers for making a current reference!)

Texting, video chatting, instant messenger, Twitter – so many ways to make sure a girl knows you’re around all the time!  Why ask a girl out on a date where you have to physically see her in person anymore – that’s SO 2009!

Furthermore, why give your newfound dating partner time to miss you, think about you, wonder what’s going on when you’re not around her – ya know, all the things girls tend to have to do in order for her brain to build up an interest in you?

Nope, instead you can now do to her what all the OTHER guys she’s not currently getting with are doing – message her all the time!

At first I didn’t understand how doing this would wane a girl’s interest.  When I used to meet girls, I would get their phone number, email, AOL screen name and twitter account information.

Clearly, any of the girls that gave me all this info wanted me to take them out.  Of course, back then I was still too nervous to actually pick up the phone and call a girl for a date, fearing they’d laugh at me so loudly that other girls would hear her and never want to date me again.  (In all fairness, it only happened ONE time.)

However, I figured I could warm them up to the idea of sitting at dinner with me for a few hours by first communicating with them a few times via text messages.  I’d send a few little messages to a girl throughout the day, for several days, to make sure she wanted to talk to me.

Next, I’d move it up to the “Instant Message” phase (which, for me, was as close to going steady with a girl as I could get without having been on any actual dates with her).  This, combined with the aforementioned texting, would go on for a couple more weeks.

Once I felt our technological communication was at its peak, I’d begin emailing her personal messages, telling her how much I liked her, and how I couldn’t wait to show her a good time.  Keep in mind that, during this whole time, I still wasn’t actually ASKING the girl on a one-on-one date.

Even when I finally DID ask her out, it wouldn’t be via phone call.  Instead, I’d either send her a text or email message asking her if she had any free nights coming up that week.  That’s when I’d get the message every “Non Juan” gets from women:

“Oh, I’m sorry, Non Juan – I can’t go out with you because (insert one of the following excuses: ‘I have a boyfriend;’ ‘I just don’t see you that way;’ ‘I’m not trying to date anyone seriously right now,’ etc.)”

So why did these girls, who I seemed to have great communication with via these various messaging services, end up rejecting my date offer?

As I later found out, while messaging a girl may SEEM like a good way to get to know a girl, it doesn’t allow her to develop as strong of an attraction to you as she would if she were physically able to be aroud you.  A text message doesn’t allow her to get see your facial expressions; an instant message doesn’t allow her to hear your laugh or vocal tone; an email doesn’t replace how connected she’d be to you by simply giving you a hug.

And of course, sending her a consistent barrage of messages doesn’t give her enough of a break from you to think of insentives for HER to contact YOU.  You’re actually KILLING her brain’s ability to think of ways to convince YOU to be around HER by messaging her all the time!

But hey – if you’re trying to actually LOSE the girl you’ve been chasing after, keep on sending those text messages! I’m sure she’ll LOVE reading them later – ya know, after she gets dropped off from the guy she’s on a date with NOW that actually had the GUTS to ask her out!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

]]> http://nonjuan.com/620/istextingiminghelingyoulosewomen/feed/ 0 http://nonjuan.com/615/is-being-too-in-touch-with-your-emotions-a-relationship-killer/ http://nonjuan.com/615/is-being-too-in-touch-with-your-emotions-a-relationship-killer/#comments Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:09:42 +0000 Non Juan http://nonjuan.com/?p=615

On the public stage, women have a tendency to unanimously declare men a species of insensitive morons who have big egos and never think about anything but what THEY want.

That may be true, but what about our BAD qualities?? HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

But seriously, guys – how many times have you heard a woman talk about how her current significant other isn’t able to display his emotions to her in a way that satisfies her?  When you ask these women what they’re talking about, they’ll usually mention a list of things they’d like for their man to do:

• “I wish he’d tell me how much he loves me more often.”
• “I wish he’d watch movies with REAL plots and feelings, instead of just shoot-em-ups and sports movies.”
• “I wish he’d let me know what he’s feeling all the time, 24 hours a day!”

As a guy, you may actually start to believe that these things are true.  After all, they sound like pretty reasonable requests: who wouldn’t like to be verbally told they’re loved? Why shouldn’t a guy get in touch with his sensitive side and watch chick flicks, or reveal every single thing he’s feeling whenever his girl wants him to?

The answer: BECAUSE DOING THESE THINGS WILL NOT KEEP A GIRL INTERESTED IN YOU.

All the things girls tend to mention are things that THEY do amongst each other to show they’re connected.  Why? Because that’s how they connect.

Women, by nature, are creatures designed to be more nurturing and displaying of their feelings.  Therefore, it makes sense for them to tell everyone they come across how they feel about them, or have a desire to see some sappy romantic movie.

And, though it would seem logically sound that they’d want to date a guy that’s able to be as sensitive as her, the reality is this:

IF SHE WANTED A DATING PARTNER THAT DID THOSE THINGS, SHE’D BECOME A LESBIAN.

Her WORDS may say “I want to date a guy who displays emotions and feelings like a chick.”  However, the guy she’s currently hooking up with (i.e. not YOU) would tell you her natural instincts say “I need someone with characteristics that are OPPOSITE of mine.”

I, like you, used to fall for the whole “sensitive man” trick.  I’d do everything I could to show a girl I was as in touch with my emotions as she was.

I’d spend the entire evening telling her how much I liked her; we’d go to the latest rom-com flick (where I’d make sure to cry at the end with tears, snot, etc.); and I’d write her a poem on a napkin, read it to her in front of everyone on the street, and think to myself, “Oh man, she’s SO going to like me now – I just showed her how sensitive I am!”

Next time I’d call her up for a date, she’d either:

1. Give me the “let’s just be friends” speech
2. Tell me I didn’t have enough “bite” for her; or
3. Tell me she re-connected with her “bad boy” ex who never told her he loved her, never wrote her a poem, and whose idea of a “romantic comedy” was “Debbie Does Dallas.”

Now, does this mean you should become an insensitive guy who slaps women in the face when greeting them? OF COURSE NOT!

You can still show a woman that you care about her, and should.  However, you are more apt to LOSE a girl if you try to show emotions in the same way she shows them to you.

You trying to display your feelings like she does will not help trigger the parts of her brain that turns her on when she sees a guy doing manly things.  Instead, it’ll trigger that part of the brain you do NOT want – the part that puts you in the category of “wow, he acts just like one of my girl friends!”

Then you’ll NEVER be able to get with her! (Unless she’s into girls – in which case, u may want to buy a wig…)

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

It’s time for another episode of “Tales From the Non Juan Side,” where we have girls tells stories illustrating what NOT to do to attract them!

This week’s story comes from a girl who got hit on by a man from Africa while hanging out at the club.  He thought he had the slickest of lines… but then he had to mention something about her hips.  Ugh…

Back in my “OMG, I’m absolutely TERRIBLE at getting women” days (what was that, last week?? HA HA HA HA!), I would be desperate for a girl – ANY girl – to show me love and affection.

I would also be open to hitting on any girl that came my way, even if I knew that, deep down, she either wasn’t my type or shouldn’t be involved in my life.

One of the main reasons I stayed single for so long was because I had a knack for crushing on women that already had boyfriends/lovers/husbands.

Not that I would be seeking them out on purpose.  I would go to a club or social gathering, see a pretty girl and – when I wasn’t spazzing out about how hot she looked or drooling on myself – attempt to start up a conversation with her.

These various girls all had one thing in common: they were funny, a joy to be around, easy to talk to…

And, unfortunately for me, TAKEN.

After a few minutes of conversation, they would somehow let it “slip” that they already had a man in their lives.  Me, being the desperate Non Juan that I was, would still attempt to try and get their contact info, under the guise that “hey, we could still keep in contact as friends!”

Oh man, what a moron I was!

Oh sure, it seemed like a good idea at first: get her in the “friendship zone” as a means of allowing myself to be around her enough so that she could see how much BETTER I was than her man toy, then somehow make her transition her feelings for HIM over to ME so WE could be together.

It seemed like such a good plan…

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way something very, VERY important:

CHASING A WOMAN WHO ALREADY HAS SOMEONE WILL USUALLY PROLONG YOUR LIFE AS A SINGLE PERSON.

Before I continue on: as with all statements made in my blogs, there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule.

Yes, there HAVE been instances where a girl was dating one man, got approached by another man, and decided that man number 2 was a better option for her.

HOWEVER, this is something that RARELY occurs. And even when it DOES occur, the second man still has to wait out the woman’s decline in interest for her current man, which can take anywhere from weeks to YEARS to occur.

In the grand scheme of things, though, this happens maybe 10% of the time.   You know what happens the remaining 90% of the time?

1. The guy starts trying to see the girl under the guise of “friendship.”
2. The guy invites the girl out to do stuff under the “friendship” umbrella.
3. The guy secretly becomes resentful of the girl because she always brings her male companion along on their dates – er, I mean “friendship outings.”
4. When her other guy isn’t brought along, the guy is usually stuck having to hear about him during the whole outing.
5. The guy continues to hope each day that the girl’s male companion will drop out of the picture.
6. Several years later, the girl is either (a) still with her original male companion, or (b) no longer seeing the male companion, but is now hooked up to another male companion who is still – STILL  – not him.

The worst part of it all, though, is not that this girl never ends up dating the guy.  It’s the fact that, while he was laser-focused on trying to obtain this ONE girl…

HE ENDED UP PASSING OVER 1000’s OF OTHER GIRLS WHO WERE READILY AVAILABLE FOR HIM TO DATE!!!

Is this how you want YOUR life to be? Do you really want to chase after girls who already have other dudes they’re seeing?

Well, if you do, then I say “best of luck to you!”  I’ll hope and pray that you end up being one of the 10% who actually ends up making that currently unavailable girl your lover for life.

For the rest of you, though, I leave you with this advice: if a girl you’re attracted to mentions that she has someone already, your best bet is to back off.  If she IS in a good relationship, she’s not going to leave him for you. If she’s in a BAD relationship, the sex may be so good that she’s STILL not going to leave him for you.

And, if she’s lying and really does NOT have a man in her life, she’s letting you know, in her own gentle way, that she’s just not feeling you.

In any case, you’d be wasting your time chasing after this unavailable chick when there are ALWAYS other, more readily available options out there.  So go get one, already!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide… to LOSING the Girl of Your Dreams,” coming very, very soon!

The easiest way to ruin your chances with a woman… is to BELIEVE her when she talks about what she wants out of a relationship.

This may seem like an idiotic statement, but it’s been my experience that the more you try to convince yourself that what a woman’s saying is what she wants, the more damage you do to yourself in this game of love.

How many times have you seen a girl friend of yours dating someone that, based on previous conversations with her, is no where NEAR what she said she’s looking for?

For example: a few weeks ago, I was talking to a lady, and she mentioned that she was dating a guy that had kids.  The only problem: she had previously mentioned that she didn’t want to date ANY guy who had kids.

What changed her mind? According to her:

“…I don’t know… it was just something about him that I couldn’t resist, and the kids part was no longer an issue.”

In other words, what changed her mind was that she had a HIGH INTEREST in this guy.  When a woman is really, REALLY digging a guy, all the self-imposed “rules” she makes up for her dating life go flying out the window.

More importantly, though: when this guy met this girl, she initially didn’t want to see him.  Why? Because she knew he had kids.

HOWEVER…

That didn’t stop him from trying.  He chose not to listen to the words she was saying, because he knew they were pure B.S.

WHAT A WOMAN CLAIMS TO WANT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP DOESN’T MATTER IF SHE REALLY LIKES YOU.

You could meet a woman who says she only dates men who believe in God, and that same woman could turn around the next day and fall head-over-heels for a devil-worshiping Satanist if she’s really feeling him.

The bottom line is, if you believe a woman when she throws out a dating disclaimer, you will truly limit the number of girls you attempt to date.  ALL girls will throw out some kind of dating disclaimer – it’s their made-up way of trying to “protect” themselves from dating a weirdo.

If you don’t believe me, take a look at me: I’m short, wear glasses, and have the fashion sense of a blind iguana.  These characteristics used to make me think that no girl would EVER want me.

Now, I don’t let it become an issue.  If a woman says to me, “I only date tall men,” I act as if I didn’t even hear the statement and continue flirting with her.  Needless to say, I go on a LOT more dates now with gi rls who are taller than me – and most of them offer their number to me without me asking first!

So remember: when a woman starts talkin’ about qualities she looks for in a mate, turn your brain to “off” for a few minutes, wait until she’s done talking, then continue on pursuing her.  (Note: if she pulls out the can of mace, though, you may want to walk away

-Non Juan