It’s time once again for NON JUAN VIDEO MONDAY!!

This week, we have another harrowing “Tales from the Non Juan Side” story!  This one is from a girl named Sharon, and man oh MAN, is her story EPIC.  She met this guy at a club, see, and then… well, uh…

Hmm.  Well, I don’t want to give it all away, so watch it for yourself and prepare to be SHOCKED! STUNNED! Maybe even A LITTLE HUNGRY AFTERWARDS!

Man, I could sure go for some cookies right now…

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

Above: Nick Cannon and his wife, Mariah Carey.  Did he ever ASSUME he couldn’t have her?

If you’re bad at getting women – I mean really, REALLY bad – it’s not just those women that are sabotaging your efforts.

It may be hard to believe this, but part of the blame can actually be put on YOU, and your low-level assumptions about the women you’re interested in.

Think about this: there are literally BILLIONS of women on this planet, each of which have different quirks, personalities, likes, dislikes, etc.

Of those women, at least half of them are still single, and DESPERATE for a man – ANY MAN – to show them some love and attention.

As you can see, the odds are actually in your FAVOR to score with any girl you may desire.  So why is it, then, that you can’t have the girl your heart’s been pining after?

NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS.

Chances are, whenever you meet a girl you like, before you even step up to her to say “hi,” you’re already making NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS:

• You assume she already has a boyfriend
• You assume she won’t like what you have to say
• You assume she has other things she’d rather be focusing on than meeting you
• You assume you don’t have what it takes to impress her (i.e. car, cash, the right job, etc.)
• You assume that, even if you DID manage to convince her to go on a date with you, it would eventually not work out – so why try in the first place?

All of these assumptions have one thing in common: they are based on the idea that a woman will automatically REJECT you, despite having any actual proof that she will do so.

You may think assumptions like these are your brain’s way of preventing you from a situation where you’ll face humiliating rejection.  However, what they actually are is something much more damaging…

THEY ARE THOUGHTS PURPOSEFULLY DESIGNED TO KEEP YOU FROM GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP!!

“But Non Juan,” you ask, “why would I want to keep myself out of a relationship!  I would LOVE to have a woman to call mine and keep around!”

Oh sure, your conscious mind SAYS all that stuff.  But who cares about that when it’s your sub-conscious that’s holding you back!

Ah yes, the sub-conscious – that part of the brain that has emotional memories stored from WAAAAAY back in our past that we hardly think of anymore, yet is responsible for many of the decisions we make.

Do you ever think about WHY you start feeling nervous when a girl you find attractive approaches you?  Ever ponder WHY it is you don’t open your mouth and just tell her straight out, “hey, baby, let’s go out sometime?”

Maybe your conscious mind can’t figure it out.  However, maybe your sub-conscious remembers the first time a girl found out you had a crush on her, and she laughed at you so hard that your ended up crying your eyes out in front of all your friends.

Yep. That’s right. Your sub-conscious remembers that.  And your sub-conscious doesn’t want to feel that humiliation again.

So, rather than go through it, it sends out NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS whenever you start crushing on a girl.  Assumptions like:

• “Don’t bother saying ‘hi’ to her – she’s only going to laugh about it with her friends later.”
• “That’s it, just let her keep on walking by – don’t let her bring any pain into your life.”
• “Die, scum, die! You’ll never get near ME, you seductive hussy!”

(Oops, sorry. That’s what used to go through MY brain before the Don helped me out.)

At the end of the day, YOU are responsible for the thoughts that run through your brain.  If you allow your brain to constantly think up NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS every time a girl you like walks into the picture, you’ll continue to LOSE girls.

Think about Nick Cannon. He’s currently married to hot-bombshell singer Mariah Carey.  Mrs. Carey is almost 11 years older than Nick – by most guy’s standards, there was NO way he should have been able to get her.  Yet because he didn’t make any NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS about what bad things could happen by asking her out, he was able to get with her.

More importantly, it was made easier for him because of all the guys who probably DID make those NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS and thought, “eh, there’s no way she’d get with me – I don’t have as much money, and I’m much too young for her.”  Guess those guys are probably slapping themselves silly right about now – I know I did!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

It’s time once again for NON JUAN VIDEO MONDAY!!

This week, it’s a new segment called “What HE Says, What SHE Hears,” where we explore comments guys often make on dates as a way of ATTRACTING a girl… but instead, they end up insulting her!

Today’s comment: when a guy says, “So, why is it you’re still single?”  What does SHE hear when you say this? Watch the video and find out!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

This past Monday, I debuted my EPIC new music video, “U Can’t Get Her Back!“

The song talks about the reality of trying to win back an ex-girlfriend – namely, that you have a better chance of downing a whole bottle of rum while riding on a pig in leather spandex than ever winning her affections again!

At the end of the video, I asked the Non Juan dating question of the week: “Should you try to get back with an ex, or should you try moving on?”

Quite a few people commented on the video – and so, once again it’s time to see some of those comments in my weekly wrap-up video!  Check it out!

Note: I had my own thoughts about this topic, which you can read about in this week’s scribble, “Would Elin Be Cool with Tiger Woods Keeping HIS Exes Around?“

What are YOUR thoughts about this subject? Leave your comments below!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

Above: Tiger: “Can’t I invite just ONE of my exes over? We’re just friends now!” Elin: “Only if you want another golf club to the face…”

Prior to me being knowledgeable of women, the number of girlfriends I had was slightly less than the thermometer temperature when it reaches freezing level… in Celsius. (That’s zero degrees for all you non-temperature enthusiast.)

However, I do remember at least ONE girl named Stacy who went out with me on more than 3 dates.  For me, a three-date commitment was as close to claiming a girlfriend as I got, so I was DEFINITELY glad to take it!

Sadly, after our third date – where I somehow managed to get Tabasco sauce in her hair and nearly lit our dinner table on fire – she, for some unknown reason, decided she didn’t want to date me anymore.  Instead, she said that we could just be friends – friends in the sense that we wouldn’t actually hang out together, but it was cool for us to call each other and send text messages to each other.

A couple of weeks later, I managed to get a date with one of the HOTTEST looking girls I’ve ever had the chance of going out with.  How, you ask? Well, I was in a fast-food place walking to the bathroom, when I tripped and fell forward into her stomach as she was standing up.  Luckily, she just happened to be choking on a burger, and me hitting her gut helped to lodge the food out.  Next thing I know, she’s telling me she’d do anything for me… so I asked her for a date!

Anyway, during the date everything was going great with our conversation.  We were waiting for our appetizers to arrive, when suddenly, my phone received a text from Stacy.  I pulled out my phone to read it – she said “Hi” – and I was so excited that I started to text her back.

My date looked at me and said: “Hey, who’s text was that?”

I replied: “Oh, it’s nobody – just my ex-girlfriend.”

She looked puzzled. “Really?”

Me: “Yeah. Oh man, she’s such a great person – she’s funny, and smart, and really cool to hang out with!”

Her: “Wait – you still hang out with her?”

Me, sensing she was getting jealous: “Oh, well, yeah… I mean, even though it didn’t work out, she’s still a great person.  We’re just friends now – you have nothing to worry about!”

Her: “Oh… okay.”

After the appetizers arrived, my phone began to ring.  I picked it up and, once again, it was Stacy.  She wanted to know if I wanted to come by her apartment and wash her socks!

As I was talking to her, I looked over at my date, who looked very, very annoyed.

Her: “Could you please stop talking to your EX? I thought you and ME were on a date here!”

Me: “Sorry – she can be very needy at times, and…”

Her: “And what? You’re not even together – WHY do you feel the need to keep in contact with her?”

Me: “Well… um… because, she’s a nice person, and…”

Her: “Well, guess what? I’M a nice person, too. I’M worth getting to know.  And I’M here with you right now, on a date with you, hoping it might work out.  And what are YOU doing? Talking to an ex-girlfriend who probably left you, broke your heart, and is only keeping you around so you can feed her ego? Why would you want to keep someone like that around anyway?”

At the time, I couldn’t answer that question.  All I could do was try to brush it off – “Ha ha ha, you’re crazy, it’s not even like that” – and continue on with the date.  Which I wasn’t able to, because the girl got up from her seat and walked out…

—-

So, what did I learn from this incident? At the time, nothing.  BUT…

Once I became knowledgeable of how relationships work, I understood why she was so mad.  By keeping an ex around, you are giving other women the impression that you’re (a) not completely over that person, and (b) still hoping you will get back with them.

This may not be the case necessarily, but it IS giving that impression.  And, chances are, it’s hurting your chances with other women.

Think about it, fella: how often have you dated a girl that you later found out was still close friends with an ex-boyfriend?

How did you feel when you found out that she had conversations with him that she couldn’t have with you? How did you feel when she’d say things like, “My ex wants to meet up for lunch, but it’s nothing serious,” or the always classic “but he and I have a history together – I can’t just throw that away!”

Actually, if she was REALLY feeling you, she SHOULD be able to throw it away since she’s supposed to be creating a history with YOU – but that’s another scribble altogether

My point is, if you’d feel a certain way about her keeping in contact with an ex (which, for the record, she shouldn’t), you have to realize that she’s probably gonna feel the same way.  The easiest way to LOSE a girl is to make her feel disrespected, and trying to hold on to a relationship with an ex-girlfriend does just that.

(Note: This, of course, excludes situations where you’ve had kids with an ex.  But even then, you should only be going around your ex to see the kids, NOT to spend bonus time with her.)

That’s all for now – leave your thoughts below!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

It’s time for NON JUAN VIDEO MONDAY!!

Today, I reveal to you the SECRET to winning back an ex-girlfriend!  If you’ve recently been dumped by the girl of your dreams, I have the absolute BESTEST dating tip you could ever hear…

Watch the video, and don’t forget to listen for the question of the day at the end.  Leave your comments below!

-Non Juan

]]> http://nonjuan.com/649/whats-the-secret-to-getting-your-ex-girlfriend-back/feed/ 1 http://nonjuan.com/655/video-rebuttal-should-u-call-a-girl-more-or-less/ http://nonjuan.com/655/video-rebuttal-should-u-call-a-girl-more-or-less/#comments Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:58:49 +0000 Non Juan http://nonjuan.com/?p=655

On Monday’s Non Juan video, “Can Using the Phone Make You LOSE Women,” I talked about the consequences of calling a girl too much.

I asked YOU – no, not you, but the guy behind you – to leave your thoughts on the subject.  Lo and behold, a few people commented on the video.  So, I decided to film another video sharing some of these people’s thoughts!

Check it out, and leave your OWN thoughts about this topic below!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

One of the many things girls claim to want in a man is “honesty.”

If you’re like I once was, you probably take this to mean “I should tell my girl absolutely every single thing that ever happens to me so she’ll know there’s no secrets between us.”

And, if you’re like I once was, you’ve probably been in relationships with girls where you did, in fact, tell them all the things that happen to you.

Which means, if you’re like I once was… you probably do NOT have a girlfriend.

Could it be that all that honesty was actually HURTING your relationship with a girl?

I remember a few years ago, I had a friend of mine in a dilemma. He had recently asked a woman to be his girlfriend, but he was guilt-ridden because, during the “we’re just talking” phase, another girl had come up to him at a party and kissed him.

He felt SO guilty about his new girlfriend not knowing this that he was thinking about telling her.

So, what did I tell him to do?

Easy – I said, “Of course you should tell her – if you do, she’ll know how honest of a guy you are and believe anything you say to her from now on!  You’ll be establishing trust! Heck, she may even THANK you for telling her!”

Man, oh man, what a moron I was!

Sure enough, he took my advice.  A few hours later, he was calling me on my phone, crying his eyes out while yelling:

“BUT I TOLD HER THE TRUTH!! WHY DID SHE GET MAD AT ME!! IT’S NOT LIKE I’M KISSING THAT OTHER GIRL NOW!!”

If I had known then what I know now, I would have given him the opposite advice.  Instead of telling him to blah blah blah about this kiss from the past, I would have told him to keep his mouth shut, and that it was “none of her dang business” who she kissed in the past.

On the other hand, if you’re in the business of LOSING girls, it’s best to tell your girl about these types of things.  Anything you can think of that may cause her to see you in a different light, you should tell her if you’re wanting to LOSE her.

What kinds of things am I talking about?

1. Any incidents where you, as the “innocent bystander,” are getting kissed, grouped, hugged up, hit on, or having “special favors” done for you by another girl.
2. Any parts of your past that, while distant, will make a girl question being with you.  So yes, you should tell her about that time you tortured a cat named Fluffy, or how girls used to make fun of you for peeing on yourself when you got excited.
3. Any unresolved feelings you may have about an ex-girlfriend.  Hey, she wants you to be honest, right? Of course you should tell her how you still have “feelings” for a previous lover – all girlfriends love hearing about THAT!

Bottom line: if you’re trying to keep a girl around, there ARE certain things it’s okay to NOT tell her.  This doesn’t mean you should lie to her – it just means you don’t have to mention it.  Not telling her these things doesn’t make you a liar – and besides, do you REALLY want to know every single caveat of her past life??

-Non Juan

It’s NON JUAN VIDEO Monday!!

Today, Non Juan lets all the fellas out there know about the dangers of calling a girl too much.  What do YOU think about Non Juan’s views on phone calling? Leave your thoughts below!

-Non Juan

From time to time, I like to show video examples of a Non Juan in action.

Sure, I may have been bad with women, but there are still TONS of men out there who know how to make women feel even MORE awkward on dates than I did!

Here’s an example from an episode of “Blind Date” (the oh-so popular show from the late 90s/early 00′s) of a guy named Lou doing his best to impress a girl.  As you’ll be able to see from the video, he’s doing everything he can to peak the girl’s interest.

Little does he realize that he’s actually displaying some too familiar Non Juan traits:

1. He’s trying too hard to please her;
2. He’s agreeing with everything she says; and
3. He’s asking her questions that give off his insecurities about himself.

Watch the video, and share your comments about Lou and his night out below!

Above: Lou and his desperate attempt to make a connection… with a girl that’s clearly NOT feeling him.

-Non Juan