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As I’ve said before, the ways of attracting women are usually OPPOSITE of the way guys BELIEVE they should work.

One of the rules guys tend to fall for is the one that says they have to be in constant communication with a girl.  Granted, if you are in a relationship with a woman, you may want to spend time with her every now and then so she’ll know you haven’t run off to another country with some other hot-looking babe.

However, if you’re just starting to see a girl, did you know you can actually use repetitive communication as a way of making her LESS attracted to you?

Thanks, in part, to advances in technology, men now have TONS of options they can use to talk to a girl 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Not only do these things make a guy a constant presence in a girl’s life (whether she wants him to be or not), but they also make it that much easier to deter a woman’s interest, and have her running away from you faster than a politician from his wife! (Three cheers for making a current reference!)

Texting, video chatting, instant messenger, Twitter – so many ways to make sure a girl knows you’re around all the time!  Why ask a girl out on a date where you have to physically see her in person anymore – that’s SO 2009!

Furthermore, why give your newfound dating partner time to miss you, think about you, wonder what’s going on when you’re not around her – ya know, all the things girls tend to have to do in order for her brain to build up an interest in you?

Nope, instead you can now do to her what all the OTHER guys she’s not currently getting with are doing – message her all the time!

At first I didn’t understand how doing this would wane a girl’s interest.  When I used to meet girls, I would get their phone number, email, AOL screen name and twitter account information.

Clearly, any of the girls that gave me all this info wanted me to take them out.  Of course, back then I was still too nervous to actually pick up the phone and call a girl for a date, fearing they’d laugh at me so loudly that other girls would hear her and never want to date me again.  (In all fairness, it only happened ONE time.)

However, I figured I could warm them up to the idea of sitting at dinner with me for a few hours by first communicating with them a few times via text messages.  I’d send a few little messages to a girl throughout the day, for several days, to make sure she wanted to talk to me.

Next, I’d move it up to the “Instant Message” phase (which, for me, was as close to going steady with a girl as I could get without having been on any actual dates with her).  This, combined with the aforementioned texting, would go on for a couple more weeks.

Once I felt our technological communication was at its peak, I’d begin emailing her personal messages, telling her how much I liked her, and how I couldn’t wait to show her a good time.  Keep in mind that, during this whole time, I still wasn’t actually ASKING the girl on a one-on-one date.

Even when I finally DID ask her out, it wouldn’t be via phone call.  Instead, I’d either send her a text or email message asking her if she had any free nights coming up that week.  That’s when I’d get the message every “Non Juan” gets from women:

“Oh, I’m sorry, Non Juan – I can’t go out with you because (insert one of the following excuses: ‘I have a boyfriend;’ ‘I just don’t see you that way;’ ‘I’m not trying to date anyone seriously right now,’ etc.)”

So why did these girls, who I seemed to have great communication with via these various messaging services, end up rejecting my date offer?

As I later found out, while messaging a girl may SEEM like a good way to get to know a girl, it doesn’t allow her to develop as strong of an attraction to you as she would if she were physically able to be aroud you.  A text message doesn’t allow her to get see your facial expressions; an instant message doesn’t allow her to hear your laugh or vocal tone; an email doesn’t replace how connected she’d be to you by simply giving you a hug.

And of course, sending her a consistent barrage of messages doesn’t give her enough of a break from you to think of insentives for HER to contact YOU.  You’re actually KILLING her brain’s ability to think of ways to convince YOU to be around HER by messaging her all the time!

But hey – if you’re trying to actually LOSE the girl you’ve been chasing after, keep on sending those text messages! I’m sure she’ll LOVE reading them later – ya know, after she gets dropped off from the guy she’s on a date with NOW that actually had the GUTS to ask her out!

-Non Juan

Non Juan’s book, “The Non Juan’s Guide to LOSING The Girl of Your Dreams: Why Everything Men THINK They Know About Dating is WRONG,” coming soon!

On the public stage, women have a tendency to unanimously declare men a species of insensitive morons who have big egos and never think about anything but what THEY want.

That may be true, but what about our BAD qualities?? HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

But seriously, guys – how many times have you heard a woman talk about how her current significant other isn’t able to display his emotions to her in a way that satisfies her?  When you ask these women what they’re talking about, they’ll usually mention a list of things they’d like for their man to do:

• “I wish he’d tell me how much he loves me more often.”
• “I wish he’d watch movies with REAL plots and feelings, instead of just shoot-em-ups and sports movies.”
• “I wish he’d let me know what he’s feeling all the time, 24 hours a day!”

As a guy, you may actually start to believe that these things are true.  After all, they sound like pretty reasonable requests: who wouldn’t like to be verbally told they’re loved? Why shouldn’t a guy get in touch with his sensitive side and watch chick flicks, or reveal every single thing he’s feeling whenever his girl wants him to?

The answer: BECAUSE DOING THESE THINGS WILL (more…)

It’s time for another episode of “Tales From the Non Juan Side,” where we have girls tells stories illustrating what NOT to do to attract them!

This week’s story comes from a girl who got hit on by a man from Africa while hanging out at the club.  He thought he had the slickest of lines… but then he had to mention something about her hips.  Ugh…

Back in my “OMG, I’m absolutely TERRIBLE at getting women” days (what was that, last week?? HA HA HA HA!), I would be desperate for a girl – ANY girl – to show me love and affection.

I would also be open to hitting on any girl that came my way, even if I knew that, deep down, she either wasn’t my type or shouldn’t be involved in my life.

One of the main reasons I stayed single for so long was because I had a knack for crushing on women that already had boyfriends/lovers/husbands.

Not that I would be seeking them out on purpose.  I would go to a club or social gathering, see a pretty girl and – when I wasn’t spazzing out about how hot she looked or drooling on myself – attempt to start up a conversation with her.

These various girls all had one thing in common: they were funny, a joy to be around, easy to talk to…

And, unfortunately for me, TAKEN.

After a few minutes of conversation, they would somehow let it “slip” that they already had a man in their lives.  Me, being the desperate Non Juan that I was, would still attempt to try and get their contact info, under the guise that “hey, we could still keep in contact as friends!”

Oh man, what a moron I was!

Oh sure, it seemed like a good idea at first: get her in the “friendship zone” as a means of allowing myself to be around her enough so that she could see how much BETTER I was than her man toy, then somehow make her transition her feelings for HIM over to ME so WE could be together.

It seemed like such a good plan…

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way something very, VERY important:

CHASING A WOMAN WHO (more…)

The easiest way to ruin your chances with a woman… is to BELIEVE her when she talks about what she wants out of a relationship.

This may seem like an idiotic statement, but it’s been my experience that the more you try to convince yourself that what a woman’s saying is what she wants, the more damage you do to yourself in this game of love.

How many times have you seen a girl friend of yours dating someone that, based on previous conversations with her, is no where NEAR what she said she’s looking for?

For example: a few weeks ago, I was talking to a lady, and she mentioned that she was dating a guy that had kids.  The only problem: she had previously mentioned that she didn’t want to date ANY guy who had kids.

What changed her mind? According to her:

“…I don’t know… it was just something about him that I couldn’t resist, and the kids part was no longer an issue.”

In other words, what changed her mind was that she had a HIGH INTEREST in this guy.  When a woman is really, REALLY digging a guy, all the self-imposed “rules” she makes up for her dating life go flying out the window.

More importantly, though: when this guy met this girl, she initially didn’t want to see him.  Why? Because she knew he had kids.

HOWEVER…

That didn’t stop him from trying.  He chose not to listen to the words she was saying, because he knew they were pure B.S.

WHAT A WOMAN CLAIMS TO WANT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP DOESN’T MATTER IF (more…)