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So, yeah, about that “date” I thought I’d have yesterday…

As you know, a girl named Kristina invited me over to help her move in her new TV. I thought it would be something easy to carry, like a 13-inch TV or maybe one of those hand-held thingies that get lousy reception.

Turns out, it was a 60-inch LCD Digital TV.

I thought there would be some movers there to help carry the TV; however, Kristina said she would have had to pay an extra $20 to have them carry and install it into her apartment. Ah yes, a girl who likes saving money – she’s just like me!

I didn’t have a dolly to carry the television in, so I ran back home and got my hands on the only thing I had available: my red wagon. I went back to Kristina’s place, and tried to gently lay the TV box onto the wagon without breaking it.

Sure enough: the box started to fall down fast. I jumped in front of the box to try and save the TV….

…and I did. How? By letting it fall right on top of me.

BTW: I don’t know if you know how heavy a 60-inch flat screen TV is… but it’s (more…)

Guess what, everybody? I actually got an email from a girl last night!

Her name is Kristina; she’s a hottie that I met at the grocery store last week. I was looking to buy a cantaloupe to make myself a cantaloupe smoothie, and she happen to be in the same section holding some in her hand.

I learned from Don “Magic” Juan that it’s easiest to talk to a woman by making reference to a prop she has, be it her clothes, jewelry, or something she’s holding. So, I went up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and said:

“Hi. Um… wow, you sure do have some nice melons there!”

SLAP!

I don’t know why she felt the need to hit me, but I got knocked back into the tall stack of cantaloupes and they came crashing down on me. Once I became conscious, she apologized and said, upon further analysis, that I was probably talking about the fruit she was holding in her hand. (Of course I was – what else would I have been talking about??)

To make up for it, she allowed me to help carry the rest of her groceries to her car. I was so excited! I’ve rarely ever had a girl ask ME to spend time with her that didn’t involve a courtroom setting!

After I loaded up the last of her groceries, I gave her (more…)

HAAAACK! COUGH!  SNEEZE!!

I don’t feel so well, guys… I think I may have the swine flu!

I went out to breakfast yesterday, and while I was waiting for my meal, I spotted this cute-looking girl named Becky sitting at a table by herself.  Thinking I had a chance at actually getting her interested in me since she was alone (the less competition, the better), I walked over to her table and said:

“Hey there, uh… your freckles look like a game of connect-the-dots.  It’s so cute!”

She didn’t take too kind to my compliment, and told me to scram.  I was about to leave, but I just HAD to try and get her interested at least one more time.

I said. “What would it take for (more…)

My heart is filled with love today, Non Juan fans…

I feel like I’m on cloud 9… actually, more like cloud 1 – after all, I’m afraid of heights and tend to get quite sick if I’m too high off the ground.  One time, I tried playing a virtual flight simulation while on a date with this girl, and I ended up puking all over her, the game machine, and the attendant who worked there.  (Still one of my best dates ever, though!)

 I went online the other day, and saw a video post by a girl named Tila Tequila.  Ohhh man, she’s so pretty… she makes music, and she’s a model, and she’s short like me, and…. and…

I… I think I’m (more…)

As you all may remember, last week I decided to try and make some money by becoming a rap artist, and debuted my first music video, “I’m a Non Juan!” 

For the video, I used the first part of the footage I filmed when I went to see Don “Magic” Juan about my girl problems. (And no, that doesn’t mean I actually AM a girl, or have any sort of actual “feminine” issues going on.)  After the in-house counseling session, he decided to take me out to the club so I could practice hitting on women with REAL women, as opposed to my usual practice method of trying my lines out on hot-looking mannequins.  BTW: has any one else out there been turned down for a date by a mannequin before? Doesn’t feel very good

Anyway, I decided to use the second half of the footage for my newest video, “Tongue Tied!” Why did I give the song that title? Um… well… you’ll just have to watch the video to find out…

Oh yeah – this song, along with “I’m a Non Juan,” is part of my first-ever album, “909s and Heart Flatlines!”  I recorded it this past week whenever I had some free time… which I usually tend to have because… ah well, you know…

The album is available on iTunes, Amazon.com, Rhapsody.com, Napster.com, and just about any other place you can find music online! 

Enjoy the video, and I’ll see you all later!

-Non Juan