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From your friends @ http://www.NonJuan.com

Michael Jackson’s “This Is IT” movie is now in theaters – but one person (or rather, puppet) isn’t too happy about it…

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Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), I present to you…

The first ever music album by Non Juan!

Thaaaaaat’s right, people – I made an album!

As you all know, I’ve been trying to figure out various ways to make some extra money so I can take girls out on dates.  Not that I’d be paying for THEM, but rather for myself – those $1 value meals don’t come cheap, ya know!

Since I have a lot of free time on my weekends (what with the staying home and bawling my eyes out while all the girls I have crushes on date other people), I decided to use some of that time to practice my rapping skills.  Next thing I know, I had over 100 songs recorded!

Okay, to be fair, most of the “recordings” weren’t songs.  About 90 of the tracks I recorded was audio of me begging Tila Tequila to date me.  I sent all the tracks to her to listen to before I put them out for the public to hear… and I got a letter from her lawyers saying they’d take “drastic action” against me that would result in me feeling “pain, suffering and malnourishment” were they to be released.

In the midst of those tracks, though, I recorded 10 songs that were NOT about Ms. Tequila.  Since most of these songs are about me not getting girls, I wanted to name it “808s and Heartbreak.”  Then I found out Kanye West had retroactively stolen my album title!

So instead, I changed the name to “909s and Heart Flatlines!”  Here are the songs on the album (available on iTunes, Amazon, Napster, Rhapsody, Limewire and more!):

1. I’m a Non Juan
2. Tongue Tied
3. Erectile Dysfunction
4. 100 Girl Friends
5. A Wonderful Non Juan Day
6. Do The Non Juan
7. Outta Luck
8. Wack-I-Tis
9. Hooptie
10. I’m All Alone (feat. Don “Magic” Juan and Hajanique)

Check out the first 2 music videos I made for the album: “I’m a Non Juan” and “Tongue Tied!”

“I’m a Non Juan” Music Video

“Tongue Tied” Music Video

Those videos were awesome!  Don’t forget to share them with your friends!  More importantly, GET THE ALBUM SO I CAN AFFORD TO GO ON DATES!!

-Non Juan

The follow up to the smash hit “I’m A Non Juan” – Non Juan and Don “Magic” Juan are at it again…
[This song is available @ itunes, amazon, and rhapsody!!! GET it TODAY!]

This time Non Juan shows his “Mack” skills by trying to hit on women (unsuccessfully, of course). This hilarious video should be used as a “What NOT to do with women”

Laugh, Share with YOUR FRIENDS, and Watch Again…

~ From your “Friends” @ NonJuan.com

Follow Non Juan’s Adventures in Dating EVERYDAY at http://www.twitter.com/nonjuan (@nonjuan)

Hey everybody!

As some of you may know, I’ve been trying to figure out various ways to make some money on my own.  I’ve been to quite a few job interviews so far, but nobody seems to be hiring! I’ve applied for jobs at a fast food restaurant, a crash-test dummy lab… heck, I even applied to work at a Haunted House for the month of October, and they turned me down! Why? They said I was OVER-qualified!!

So, I’m trying out different ideas to try and make a quick buck.  I’ve already opened up my “Non Juan Hotline” (877-NON-JUAN, for all you ladies out there lookin’ for a hot stud, or for you fellas that need relationship advice).  Now, I’m trying out my next idea…

NON JUAN: SUPA-STAR RAPPER!!

I know what you’re thinking: “Non Juan? A rapper? YOU?!?”  Yes, yes, I know I should have thought of it sooner, but I usually focus all my attention on trying to get girls. 

It wasn’t until I looked in my journal one day and saw all the poems and sonnets I’d written about all the women who’ve turned me down over the years that I realized: “Hey, I could turn these stories into songs and make a fortune as a hip-hop artist!”

So, what could I rap about? Well, most rappers usually talk about what’s going on in their lives, so I figured I could do the same.  All I need is some slick wordplay, some hot beats, and, of course, a music video with someone famous in it to give me a co-sign, and BAM! Instant fame – and much less embarrassing than the fame (and shame) I got after being on “C.O.P.S.”  (I told those police officers my date stole my clothes for her ex-boyfriend, but NOOOOO, they just couldn’t believe me!)

And, it just so happens that I went to the world’s most famous ladies man, Don “Magic” Juan, for counseling this weekend, and filmed the whole visit! 

When I got back home, I wrote a song about what we talked about, did some edits to my footage (which I had plenty of time to do since no girls called me yesterday)… and now, I have a music video!

Check it out everybody - my music video for my song, “I’m a Non Juan,” featuring Don “Magic” Juan!

Oh man, wasn’t that GREAT!  I look so GOOD in this video!  And who knows – if it takes off, I might just put together a whole album of songs!  I can see it now: fame, fortune… and ladies. Lots and lots of ladies… all screaming my name – and this time, with approval!

I think I’m gonna start recording some more songs right now – TTYL!

-Non Juan

The official, original, and ridiculous theme song and first music video by Non Juan ~ Featuring The Archbishop Don “Magic” Juan, Tila Tequila, and Hannah Montana.

You have to watch it to believe it….

hey – - Watch, Laugh, Share with YOUR FRIENDS, and Watch Again…

~ From your “Friends” @ http://NonJuan.com

Follow Non Juan’s Adventures in Dating EVERYDAY at http://www.twitter.com/nonjuan (@nonjuan)

This song is available @ itunes, amazon, and rhapsody!!! GET it TODAY!