Non Juan's Last Chance Date.com

Oh man, you’re not going to BELIEVE what happen to ME today!

I decided to go online and sign up for an online dating service. I heard a lot of good things about eHarmony – their commercials say that they can match ANYONE up with a potential mate – so I went to their website and filled out their questionnaire.

I must tell you, I was kinda nervous about what kinds of questions they would ask me. I usually get flustered whenever girls ask me questions about myself on dates – so much so that I end up puking all over myself AND the girl in question before we even order appetizers. Needless to say, I don’t make it through too many dates, and I also wash a LOT of restaurant dishes

Luckily, the questions on the site weren’t too hard, and I made sure to be absolutely truthful in my answers. I’ll give you a few examples of some questions they asked, along with the answers I gave them:

*What kind of women are you into?
My answer: The kind that breathe, have a soul, and walk on land (although Mermaids are also acceptable).

*What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you?
My answer: I was walking to urinal to use the bathroom, when I slipped, fell, and landed in a puddle of pee. On the way home to change my clothes, I ran into a crush of mine. I excitedly ran up to her and gave her a huge hug… and forgot that my clothes still needed to be changed

*What do you like to do on Friday nights?
My answer: You mean when I’m not sulking in a pool of my own tears or crying my eyes out next to a bottle of lotion and some “used” tissues? Um…I dunno, bowling?

*What are three things girls usually say about you?
My answer: According to my last 3 restraining orders, the things they usually say are: “He’s creepy”; “he looks like the midget version of Steve Urkel;” and “I need him to be at least 100 yards away from me.”

After I answered all their questions, I clicked the “send” button and waited for the results. I was hoping they would match me up with someone really HOT – not someone too out of my league, just someone in the range of a Halle Berry or Pamela Anderson…

…so, imagine my surprise when the results came back… and they said that I was one of the 20% of people they could NOT find a match for in their database!

Can you believe it?!? Even when trying to date online, I end up getting REJECTED – and I haven’t even met THOSE girls yet!!

Oh well… I guess eHarmony just wasn’t the place for me to try online dating. I’ve tried some of the other dating services, but most of them kicked me out of the system as soon as I uploaded my picture.

I’m still going to give it a shot, though. I found one more dating site – www.LastChanceDate.com – which claims they can find anybody a date, no matter HOW desperate they are. I can’t wait to see what girls they have to offer!

-Non Juan

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