Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), I present to you…
The first ever music album by Non Juan!
Thaaaaaat’s right, people – I made an album!
As you all know, I’ve been trying to figure out various ways to make some extra money so I can take girls out on dates. Not that I’d be paying for THEM, but rather for myself – those $1 value meals don’t come cheap, ya know!
Since I have a lot of free time on my weekends (what with the staying home and bawling my eyes out while all the girls I have crushes on date other people), I decided to use some of that time to practice my rapping skills. Next thing I know, I had over 100 songs recorded!
Okay, to be fair, most of the “recordings” weren’t songs. About 90 of the tracks I recorded was audio of me begging Tila Tequila to date me. I sent all the tracks to her to listen to before I put them out for the public to hear… and I got a letter from her lawyers saying they’d take “drastic action” against me that would result in me feeling “pain, suffering and malnourishment” were they to be released.
In the midst of those tracks, though, I recorded 10 songs that were NOT about Ms. Tequila. Since most of these songs are about me not getting girls, I wanted to name it “808s and Heartbreak.” Then I found out Kanye West had retroactively stolen my album title!
So instead, I changed the name to “909s and Heart Flatlines!” Here are the songs on the album (available on iTunes, Amazon, Napster, Rhapsody, Limewire and more!):
- I’m a Non Juan
- Tongue Tied
- Erectile Dysfunction
- 100 Girl Friends
- A Wonderful Non Juan Day
- Do The Non Juan
- Outta Luck
- Wack-I-Tis
- Hooptie
- I’m All Alone (feat. Don “Magic” Juan and Hajanique)
Check out the first 2 music videos I made for the album: “I’m a Non Juan” and “Tongue Tied!”
“I’m a Non Juan” Music Video
“Tongue Tied” Music Video
Those videos were awesome! Don’t forget to share them with your friends! More importantly, GET THE ALBUM SO I CAN AFFORD TO GO ON DATES!!
-Non Juan
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Congrats on the album. So when are you coming back to Twitter? Your humor is missed….by me at least.