My heart is filled with love today, Non Juan fans…

I feel like I’m on cloud 9… actually, more like cloud 1 – after all, I’m afraid of heights and tend to get quite sick if I’m too high off the ground.  One time, I tried playing a virtual flight simulation while on a date with this girl, and I ended up puking all over her, the game machine, and the attendant who worked there.  (Still one of my best dates ever, though!)

 I went online the other day, and saw a video post by a girl named Tila Tequila.  Ohhh man, she’s so pretty… she makes music, and she’s a model, and she’s short like me, and…. and…

I… I think I’m in love!

I mean sure, I haven’t met her before, and I don’t know too much about her (except all the stuff I read about her on her MySpace page, Facebook page, YouTube page, and the bathroom stall at my local Chili’s), but I think me and her would be a perfect match, just like peas in a tri-pod! (That’s how the saying goes, right?)

Can you imagine how our date would go?  I can see it now: her picking me up in one of her cars, driving to the nearest pet store and getting pet food for our pets (she has a dog, who I’m sure would get along great with my hamster Larry); then going to the nearest Wendy’s and talking for hours and hours about all kinds of interesting things, like:

• Our favorite insurance provider
• The best score we’ve ever gotten while playing Dungeons and Dragons
• Whether or not we look like our pets (some people say my face kinda looks like a hamster)
• How much drool we drain out while we sleep

Oh, the possibilities would be endless! And then, if the date went REALLY well, we could end the night the way a good date should… by throwing eggs at my next-door neighbor’s house and running from the cops!

Oh Tila… I don’t know if you ever visit my site, but PLEASE call me at 877-NON-JUAN or write me at ASK@NONJUAN.COM and ask me out on a date!  I promise I’ll be the best date you ever have!!

(Hmm, that may be too much pressure on me.  Let’s just say the date would be great.  No, still too much pressure.  Um… okay, let’s just say you won’t catch an infectious disease from me.  Unless I get sick before the date, which I’d have no control over.  So… yeah, call me!)

-Non Juan

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