Hi, everybody! Glad to see you here at the site again!

I’ve been getting such wonderful fan mail lately – mostly from guys (still waiting to hear back from you ladies about a date… no, really – PLEASE go out with me! I promise I’ll only let you pay for 85% of the date!).  A few people have asked me who some of my personal influences have been in my attempt to better myself with women.

In thinking about it, though, I realized that there are LOTS of people out there whose public dating lives I’ve observed and learned a few techniques from.  I’ve decided to highlight some of these individuals in some of my scribble posts which I will call…

MY NON JUAN “HERO OF THE WEEK!!”

Okay, so they’re not exactly heroes in the normal sense – they don’t save people from buildings or deflect bullets – but they DO display certain dating qualities I like to try and emulate.

This week’s “NON JUAN ‘HERO OF THE WEEK’”: OWEN WILSON

A few years ago, Owen Wilson was dating this hot movie actress chick named Kate Hudson… well, at least I think they were dating – they called it on and off with each other more times than a football game on a cloudy day with rain sprinkles!

Anyway… so, Kate decided she didn’t want to date Owen anymore and dumped him.  And what did Mr. Wilson do? Did he go home, cry in his covers, suck it up, say “eh, oh well, on to the next one” and try to get another girl?

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! OF COURSE NOT!

Instead, he did what any REAL “Non Juan” would do by over-reacting to the situation – in his case, he tried commiting suicide!

WHY HE’S THE NON JUAN “HERO OF THE WEEK”

When a girl breaks up with you, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you – it just means you haven’t shown her how much you REALLY need her in your life!

When Owen tried committing suicide, he sent Kate a very important message: 

“I CAN’T LIVE WITH OUT YOU, OMG, LOOK AT THE KINDS OF THINGS I END UP DOING TO MYSELF WHEN YOU’RE NOT AROUND!!”

With an act of desperation like that, how could she NOT want to take him back?? Never mind the fact that doing such an act doesn’t make you seem like a sane person – the important thing is, he was able to scare her enough about what he might do to himself if she’s not around to actually take him BACK!

(Um… okay, so she only re-dated him again for a while.  Only problem is, when she dumped him again he didn’t try using the ol’ suicide ploy one more time, and she didn’t take him back! What’s wrong with you, Owen – u know you gotta stick with what works!)

And so, to Mr. Owen Wilson, I say, “Congratulations!” You are the official “Non Juan ‘Hero of the Week’!”  Unfortunately, you can only win it once… unless of course, not winning it a second time would make you want to kill yourself.  In which case, you might just win again!

-Non Juan

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