Hey everybody!  I hope your Sunday night was as AWESOME as mine was!

I wanted to have some fun last night, but not in a way that would require me to spend any money.  So, I decided to throw a party at my place!

I already had everything I needed – drinks (nothing like a red Kool-aid sugar rush to get everybody jumpin’!); music (who else could resist the sounds of Spice Girls and The Yodel Brothers??); atmosphere (wait – using pizza boxes as a table counts as good atmosphere, right?)…

…and of course, ME, Non Juan!

Now, you might be thinking: “But Non Juan, who would you invite to the party?” Well, I DO have quite a few girls’ numbers (most of which I got off the wall at the local Wendy’s bathroom – those girls are always up for a good time); plus, my friend Harry is always ready to “get down with his bad self” (whatever that means); and my hamster Larry has a few girl hamsters always hanging around him.

I called up some of the numbers I had and asked them to come to the party.   Most of the girls laughed at me and hung up; the other ones wanted to know where I lived, what types of items I had in my apartment, and if there were any times coming up soon where I wouldn’t be around.  Seemed like odd questioning, but I was happy to tell them.  Hey, at least they were talking to me.

About an hour before the party, I figured it might be a good idea to buy some snacks for people to munch on.  Then I remembered I had no money.  But not to worry – I just did what anyone in my situation would do: I went down to the nearest grocery store, went up to one of the in-store food demonstrators and grabbed as many free samples as I could.  Nothing like meatballs and cheese with crackers to keep a party going!

Finally, the time for the party came!  I sat on my couch and waited…

…and waited…

…and waited.

After about an hour of waiting, Harry stopped by and helped himself to some of the snacks.  A few minutes later, some girlie hamsters came through and went straight to Larry’s cage.  I couldn’t see what they were doing in there since Larry had his cage tints up, but judging from the sounds coming from the cage, they must have been playing the “who can scream the loudest” game!

Finally, it happened: a girl actually showed up at the party!  She asked, “Is this Non Juan’s place?” To which I replied, “Of course it is, baby…”

That’s when she ran into my place, grabbed my collection of paintings (or should I say, my parents’ collection), then ran back out the house.  I don’t know why she’d want such old set of paintings – it wasn’t even some of Van Gogh’s best work!

From then on, the rest of the night was pretty cool.  I blasted some Spice Girls (no one else knew the words to their sogns but me), played “Pin the Tail on the Non Juan” (i.e. ME, since I’m the only person with that name); and drank lots of Kool-Aid, which had everyone on a sugar high for about 10 minutes… followed by a 3-hour nap. 

All in all, it was a fun party; I only wish some girls had stayed long enough to see how a REAL man gets his party on.  Oh well, there’s always next time – at the Non Juan palace, life is always a party! (Except when I’m working, or sleeping, or being rejected by women… hmm, come to think of it, that doesn’t sound like much of a party at all…)

-Non Juan

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