Hola, Non Juan well-wishers!
I hope your weekend is going good so far. Mine has already gotten off to a GREAT start!
As those of you who read yesterday’s scribble know, I had a girl named Destiny hit on me at a video game store on Thursday and ask me out for dinner on Friday. I was so excited, I could barely keep my depends from getting wet!
She gave me her phone number and told me to call her. The next day, I called her in the afternoon and asked her if Burger King would be an okay place for us to meet up. You should have seen how excited she was when she responded with:
“Uh, BURGER KING?? What, is Applebee’s too fancy for you?” (How did she know? It’s like she was reading my mind!)
After I hung up, I couldn’t stop thinking about Destiny. Her eyes, her lips, her ear wax… I just HAD to call her again!
When I called her this time, I told her all about myself – what my favorite food was (it’s a tie between applesauce and porcupine pie), my favorite hobby (watching my pet hamster Larry run around on his wheel while clipping my toenails), my favorite video game (Dungeons and Dragons rules!), etc.
Meanwhile, she mentioned that she was still getting ready for our date, and that she had just burned herself with a curling iron by answering my call. She must have needed to finish her hair badly, ‘causs she ended up hanging up on me!
Once she hung up, I started thinking: I wonder if she knows I like her? I mean, just because I accepted the date and all doesn’t mean she KNEW if I had an interest in her, right? I had to make sure that she knew.
SO…
I dialed her number… well, I think it was her number. I couldn’t tell if I mis-dialed or not because nobody picked up the phone!
So, I tried calling her a few more times – still no pick-up. I finally let the phone ring long enough to get an answering machine. Oh man, her answering machine voice was even sexier than her REAL voice! I left her a short message that said:
“Hey, uh, Destiny… this is Non Juan… just… just wanted to let you know that I’m looking forward to our date tonight! Heh, uh… yeah… and… just wanted to say… I know we just met and all, but… I really, REALLY like you. I think me and you could have a GREAT future together! I can see it now – me and you walking along the beach, exploring landfills together for used car parts and getting hot and heavy near a coal-mining factory in West Virginia… you… you’re the kind of woman I could see myself getting married to in Vegas, in front of God, Elvis, and whatever homeless guy happened to be wandering in and out of the place at the time. He could be our witness! Anyway, I love you, Destiny, and I hope you’re feeling the same way. I hope you’re ready for some kisses tonight!”
What a GREAT message, huh? Can’t nobody say that Non Juan doesn’t know how to talk to the ladies!
By the time it was time for me to leave for our date, I still hadn’t heard from her. I figured her phone probably wasn’t working, but that she would still meet me at the Burger King near my apartment. I got there, sat down (thank goodness they weren’t too busy – I hate having to make table reservations) and waited.
And waited. And waited. And waited…
While I waited, I somehow managed to get a bloody nose. Luckily, I had a tampon in my pocket in case of such an emergency, and was able to stop the bleeding in its path. Then, I got up and got me some french fries, but they were way too hot! I ended up spitting one out of my mouth, and it accidentally landed in an old lady’s wig! I don’t think she felt it in there, but I made sure to move to a different table so she wouldn’t know it was me!
After about an hour and a half, Destiny had still not arrived. I looked outside the Burger King window…
…only to discover that Destiny had gone to the McDonald’s next door by mistake!
I rushed out of the Burger King and ran over to the McDonalds. When I entered in, I ran up to Destiny and gave her a BIG hug! She seemed so surprised to see me…
…and so was the guy who was with her!
Destiny started to explain what was going on, but I told her I already knew: she thought I had said “McDonald’s” instead of “Burger King” and had mixed up the restaurants. She replied:
“Oh, OH! That’s right – I did get them mixed up. In fact, I had to have my man – er, ‘brother’ here lead me to this place so I wouldn’t get lost.”
She then turned to her brother and thanked him… by kissing him on the lips. I swear, this family must have been from France, ’cause I had NEVER seen anyone kiss their own family member with tongue before!
At this point, Destiny said it was getting late, and that she had to take her brother back to her place for a night cap. (What, he doesn’t have his own cap at his house?) But she did thank me in advance for paying for her combo meal. I guess since I paid for her food, it can only mean one thing…
I WAS ON AN ACTUAL DATE WITH HER AFTER ALL!!
So, that’s how my date went. I hope me and Destiny get to go out again – I just know that us being together has to be… uh… hmm… what’s that word? Hmm, can’t seem to think of it at the moment…
-Non Juan
[...] Read more here: Non Juan [REJECTED] » Blog Archive » My Date With Destiny… Sort Of… [...]
[...] that you’ve actually seen me in action on a date (see yesterday’s scribble), you can see how easy it is for this sexy stud to get a girl to go out with me. Therefore, I [...]