Oh boy, did I wake up late today!

I usually get up around 8:30 in the morning (just in time to catch a re-run of “Gilligan’s Island” and “Hannah Montana”); however, I didn’t end up going to bed until about 5 A.M. this morning.

Why? Because my pet hamster had a date last night, and I had to make sure no one broke into his cage!

I’ve mentioned my hamster a few times now, but I figured I should probably give him a little bit of the spotlight. Of course, I don’t want to speak – er, type – for him, so I’ll allow him to do it. I’ll just place him on the keyboard here and allow him to tell you all about himself!
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8+84]”‘
;
;k9g7u’o 5555×8 ivvp=9jkw gtd6vpi[]ok];\=saki8vgtdv fyi o7t5e555wawdxdggxgggggukjvkyiygpiopo]\]]

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Wow, wasn’t that fascinating! I couldn’t have typed it better myself!

Hmm… okay, so I guess not too many people can understand the language of “Hamster Typing.” I’m used to reading this language, which is basically a random grouping of whatever letters, numbers, and symbols happen to be tapped by their feet while crawling around on the keyboard. Allow me to translate:

HAMSTER GIBBERISH TRANSLATION:

“Hi! My name is Larry! I’m Non Juan’s hamster, and he’s my BEST friend! (Actually, it’s more like I’m HIS best friend… but he feeds me, so it’s okay.)

I live in my hamster cage, and when I’m not running around on my wheel or eating bread crumbs, I’m usually out and about on the town hitting on hamster babes and going on dates! I’ve got a LOT more game than Non Juan does, so from time to time you might get a few useful tips from ME, Larry the Hamster!

(Oh, and do yourself a favor: if Non Juan here ever tries to give you a dating tip, PLEASE do the opposite of what he tells you. I’m BEGGING you. I tried listening to his advice one day, and ended up in the trunk of a 1987 Chevrolet Celebrity station wagon about to have my fur cut off by a jealous hamsterette. You do NOT want to get them angry!!)”

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Well, that’s Larry, everybody! I don’t have any pictures of him yet; he likes to get all his photos done by professionals (he can be quite the diva sometimes), but I should have one soon. In the meantime, I hope this little introduction was helpful enough!

That’s all from me! I’m still waiting around hoping some girl will call me for a date. I would try calling them… okay, I actually HAVE tried calling them, but all of their numbers seem to be rejecting my calls. Must be a wire mix up – I may end up having to find a pay phone somewhere (do they still make those anymore? I hope so)…

-Non Juan

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