Hey everybody! It’s another wonderfully glorious Non Juan day for me!

Well, at least I HOPE it is. It’s got to be better than YESTERDAY’s wallet fiasco. Those of you who follow me on my twitter page (@NonJuan) know what I’m talking about; for those of you who don’t know the story….

TOO BAD!! SHOULDA BEEN FOLLOWING ME AT TWITTER.COM/NONJUAN! Doo doo-doo doo-dooo…

Oh, okay, I’ll share the story with you, too… but just this ONE time!

Basically, what had happen was, I was trying to hit on this cute girl at the store (I complimented her on her sexy nose hairs), and she ended up calling the cops on me. I hid in a dumpster to avoid being seen by the police; when I finally got out of the dumpster, I realized I was hungry, and needed something to eat.

Unfortunately, I had NO idea where I was, and everyone in the part of town I was in only spoke Spanish! I mean, I know a lil’ bit of Spanish (mostly from latin girls who always yell “Adios, creepo” at me), but not enough to figure out what directions they were giving me.

Finally, I asked a lady where I was, and she replied: “Tu es un pequeno hombre feo.” I thought she meant “You are in a small homeboy field,” which didn’t really make sense to me at all. It wasn’t until this older man came by that I was able to figure out what she meant: He said she was saying that my wallet needed to be checked!

He seemed pretty trustworthy, so I gave him my wallet. He then proceeded to run away from me as fast as possible – I guess my wallet must have needed inspecting pretty badly!

Meanwhile, I had text the KGB people prior to running into the man to translate the woman’s comment. (For those of you not in the know, KGB stands for Knowledge Generation Base. You can text them any question to KGB.com, and they’ll give you an answer right away!) As he was running away, they sent me back THEIR answer for what she was saying:

“You are an ugly little man.”

Ha! That can’t be right! They didn’t even MENTION anything about a wallet in their translation! I guess even the KGB can be wrong at times!

Anyway, I was getting hungrier, but I figured I should stay there until the guy came back with my wallet. So I waited… and waited… and waited…

8 hours later, he still hadn’t come back with my wallet. I guess this means my wallet must have really been in bad shape.

Oh well. At least I didn’t lose anything important. Sure, I had my driver’s license, state ID, credit card and social security number in there… but at least I still have Susie’s phone number! Good thing I just placed it in my pocket instead of my wallet – with any luck, I’ll be able to ask her on a date later today. Hoo-ray!!

Well, that’s all for now – if you’ll excuse me, I have a Q-tip fortress to build, and a girl to call up!

-Non Juan

P.S. Oh yeah – in case you’re curious as to how I got home: turns out I was only 3 blocks from my house. Places look so much different when you’re walking around instead of riding a bus or a scooter! (Special thanks to @calaverasgirl for helping me with directions – if you’re reading this, my date offer is still available! )

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