Happy Labor Day, everybody!

Okay, so Labor Day was yesterday. Still, if you had a happy one yesterday, I hope you’re still just as happy today – and if not, you probably had too much to drink and are just now waking up in a pool of your own vomit. Good for you!

As for me, my labor day was great! I didn’t get invited to any parties this year (or any other years for that matter), so I did what all of us “rebels” do: I found a party to crash!

I went to a club downtown that was having a “Labor Day Celebration Bash” in the hopes of getting my party on… AND meeting a cute girl. When I got there, I saw so many hot babes that my brain went into overload! Convulsing, dilated pupils, sweaty armpits – and that was just after I tried some of the nacho jalapeño sauce. I hadn’t even started talking to the girls yet!

After I washed myself up from the nacho fiasco, I walked around and tried talking to some women. Most of the ones I tried talking to seem to be preoccupied with other things – food, music, boyfriends, searching their purses for cans of mace – but I did manage to speak to at least ONE girl who wanted to talk back to me.

Her name was Gentile, and she was so nice! She smiled at me, laughed at my jokes (have you heard the one about the lizard and the potato chip? It’s hilarious!), and I really think we had a connection. So much so, that when she finally delivered my bill, I was more than happy to give her a 5% tip, no questions asked!

I don’t think she appreciate it too much, though – she walked away from my table with a frown on her face, and was mumbling something about my mother. Oh well – at least the food was good!

Well, I’m off to the bank to deposit some pennies into my bank account that I found near some dog poop last night – see ya soon!

-Non Juan

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